Dirty Little Secrets
by SilverLastsForever
Summary: HIATUS! Chapter 3 up! Have you ever wondered what embarrasing secrets our favorite Gundam boys have? Now is your chance to find out! Rated because of slight language.
1. Soap Opera

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of the G-boys. I do however, own each of their dirty little secrets. Please review for requests to use/mention them in your story. Aww, now I'm just flattering myself, like any one would want to use my cruddy ideas.

Info: Okay, all the G-boys live in one of Quatre's huge houses. Why? Because it makes my life easier. Each of them have a secret and each of them find them out in turn. Each will probably also have a punishment of some kind that will be carried out as a background thing in the other chapters. Enjoy my sad attempt at humor!

* * *

Wufei sat with his ear on the door. Satisfied that no one was awake he silently opened his door. Glancing around he swiftly trekked down the stairs. Checking once more that he was all alone as he entered the living room, he sat down. In the darkness he felt around for the remote on the couch, finding it he flipped on the TV. That night's new blared loudly and Wufei frantically turned the volume down to a barely audible glimmer. Smirking he switched it to his favorite channel.

Duo heard a sudden noise and groggily became conscious. He wearily opened his eyes and rubbed them. Figuring the noise was Heero screwing around on his computer or some other random person who was inconsiderate of the need of sleep to his fellow pilots. Sitting up slowly he looked around his darkened room. The window was the only source of light and it barely provided a blue tinge to the otherwise pitch black room. He felt his stomach grumble and grinned. _Maybe it's time for a midnight snack, _he thought yawning. Scratching his lower back he got up and opened the door to his bed room. Stepping out into the hall without bothering to be quiet he shut his door again. Clomping down the stairs he hummed bits and pieces of a random song.

Wufei froze hearing the noise. _Oh no!_ He thought, _Someone's coming!_ He quickly shut the TV off and cringed as it complied noisily. The hummer didn't seem to notice and continued walking down the stairs. He hoped fervently that whoever came down the steps wouldn't see him.

Duo thought he heard the slight static sound of electronics but ignored it. He marched straight past the living room and into the kitchen. Opening the fridge with the slight sliding sound of the items on the door, he spotted a piece of chocolate cake and pulled it out immediately. Gleefully he closed the fridge and got out a fork from the cabinet drawer. Sitting down at the table he proceeded to stuff his face with cake.

Wufei sat silently and glared at the clock as if hoping to intimidate it into stopping. _Damnit!_ He thought, _I'm missing the best part of my show!_ Grumbling inaudibly he risked changing positions; whoever was in the kitchen was scarfing down something much too noisily for him to be heard. Finally Duo decided he was full and started heading up the stairs. Wufei turned the TV back on almost immediately. Duo, unfortunately for Wufei, heard it. Duo slowly came back down the stairs. What he heard was:

First a female's voice: "Roderick! Don't leave me Roderick!"

Then a male's: "I have to Cynthia; I'm in love with Trista."

Then Wufei's: "No! Roderick, Cynthia is better then that slimy whore Trista!"

"Wufei?" Duo asked with a raised eyebrow as he came around the corner into the living room. Hurriedly, Wufei shut the TV off and whipped around.

"Um, hi Maxwell," he stuttered, "Why are you up so late?"

Duo ignored him,

"What were you watching?"

"TV," Wufei started sweating, "So were you hungry when you woke up?"

"I bet I know what you were watching," Duo grinned snatching the remote away from Wufei. Wufei jumped in front of the TV just as Duo turned it on. Annoyed, he struggled with Wufei.

"Go back upstairs Maxwell!" Wufei shouted as he shot a kick towards Duo's head.

"Watch where you aim that!" Duo replied finally throwing Wufei out of the way. Wufei sat with his head in his hands as Duo's grin broadened, "I knew it! You ARE watching a soap opera!"

"SO?" Wufei replied indignantly.

"So I thought you hated girly crap like this?" Duo smirked muting the TV.

"It's not girly!" Wufei resounded rather childishly, "It's very interesting watching other people's tangled love lives."

"What's interesting to watch?" Quatre's voice sounded from the top of the steps.

"Nothing!" Wufei yelled up to him, "Just go back to sleep!"

From the top of the stairs Quatre rolled his eyes. It was best to let them do whatever they wanted to.

"Whatever you say. I'm going back to bed," he then turned muttering and slipped quietly back into his room.

Wufei turned and looked Duo straight in the eyes,

"What do you want?'

"Oh, not much," he said the gleam in his eyes suggesting otherwise, "Just the satisfaction of watching you squirm every time I let out and hints; and I get to braid your hair."

"What!" Wufei stared at him incredulously.

"You have to wear it in a braid for a month and go out in public or I tell everyone in this house your dirty little secret," Duo relished the power.

After thinking for a minute Wufei finally replied:

"Fine."

"And one more thing."

"What?" Wufei asked through gritted teeth.

"Please don't talk to the TV when I'm within earshot."

* * *

SLF: Whew! That felt good. My first new story in a long time. It might not have been very funny, but I hope it brightened a few of your days. This is the first in a set of five short stories revolving around each of the Gundam Boy's secrets, hence the name. I already have ideas planned, but feel free to suggest any. If they're better then mine (which they probably are) I'll use them! Anywhoo, catch you later! 


	2. Fear of Mice

SLF: Wow! I'm back! After a long, extended, and computer deprived vacation I am finally back! (Listens to cricket noise) Gee, I'm glad you all care. Now, I will not bore you with excuses about why I've been gone so long. For the few readers I probably have left of this story here is a new chapter to DLS!

P.S. Some of you may recognize Heero's secret. It's from one of my much older shorts I took down about a year and a half ago.

P.P.S. You can thank my friend for making me get off my arse and write this.

* * *

Wufei walked into the kitchen and scowled as he grabbed a soda. He slammed into a chair and slowly touched the knotted braid on the back of his head.

"Damn Maxwell," he growled opening his drink, "Damn braid."

About three days ago, one hungry Duo Maxwell had stumbled upon one Wufei Chang in the middle of the night. One happened to be watching a soap opera and, well, you get the idea.

As he sighed, Wufei took a sip of his drink and was surprised by the sudden movement over his foot. Looking down sharply, he caught a white glimpse of something as it scurried off.

"Damn mouse."

"Hi Wu-man!" Duo cheerfully interrupted skipping into the kitchen. Ever since three days ago he had been in an annoyingly cheerful mood.

"Go to hell," Wufei snarled turning around.

"Now, now, what have I told you about that attitude of yours?" Duo chided, "'Sides, you know I don't believe in that stuff anyway."

"You're a sick man Maxwell," Wufei retorted, "I can't believe you're making me do this."

"Why?" Duo laughed slipping out the door, "You look so good in braids!"

Wufei shot out of his chair and chased after him.

"You're dead Maxwell!"

* * *

Quatre heard the yelling from inside his reading room. _What are they fighting about now? _He thought. Shutting his book he got out of his chair.

"I wouldn't go down there."

"Hm?" Quatre looked up, "Oh, you scared me Trowa."

"Sorry," Trowa replied, "Just coming to tell you that apparently you have mice."

"Oh no!" Quatre sighed, "Just what this house needs; more dirt."

"Should I call the exterminator?" Trowa asked.

"Yes please," Quatre ran a hand through his hair, "That would be for the bests."

"What would be for the best?" Heero interrupted.

"We have mice."

Heero's face went rigid for a moment before contorting back to its normal unreadable expression.

"Really?"

"Unfortunately," Quatre replied, "But hopefully we'll get rid of them by tomorrow."

Heero turned around and walked back to his room without a word.

"What's with him?" Quatre asked blankly.

Trowa shrugged,

"I tend not to ask anymore."

Turning, he left Quatre standing by himself. Exhaling, he sat back down at his desk and continued reading.

* * *

Heero sat typing on his laptop at a rapid pace. He was working on his new parts system, but not of what he was doing was actually processing in his brain. The only think he was thinking about, though he tried to put it far from his mind, was mice. He hated mice. The way they scurried, they way their gleaming eyes glared out at you from inside a crack or under a table, even the way their noses moved. To him, there was just something inherently evil about them. He shuddered uncharacteristically. Shutting his laptop, he walked over to his bed and laid down on it. He sat there for a few minutes and just as his eyes were about to close he saw something move out of the corner of his eye.

He snapped up in the bed and saw something white and furry run across his room; a mouse.

* * *

Trowa walked down the stairs. As he reached the foot, a mass of tangled arms and legs flew past him.

"Don't touch my hair-"

"Maxwell let go of my-"

"Get off of me you cow-"

"Cow! I'll show you cow-"

"Guys?" Trowa cut in, "I need to get through."

Stopping and looking up at him they stepped away from each other and let him into the kitchen.

"Who're you calling?" Duo asked as Trowa picked up the phone.

"My girlfriend," he replied stoically.

"I knew it!" Duo shouted triumphantly.

"He's not serious baka," Wufei rolled his eyes.

"Oh," Duo looked down, "Well then who are you calling?"

"The exterminator."

"WHAT!" Duo exclaimed, "Why?"

"Because we have mice," Trowa explained.

"But," Duo replied through crocodile tears, "but an exterminator will kill the mice."

"That's the point Maxwell!" Wufei interrupted smacking his forehead.

"Mice have feelings too y'know," Duo stuck his tongue out at Wufei.

"No they don't!" Wufei replied angrily.

"Of course they-"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

A shout from upstairs stopped the argument.

"What the heck was that?" Duo asked looking upward.

"I don't know," Trowa responded, "But I'll go see."

Leaving the two returning to their squabble, Trowa headed upstairs to the source of the noise. Noting that Quatre's door was still firmly shut he gave a small smile. Quatre put up with so much these days it was a wonder he didn't just throw them all out. Rounding the corner another yell was heard along with a crash. Puzzled, Trowa went over to Heero's door and gave a small knock,

"Heero?" Trowa called through the door, "Are you alright?"

After a moment or two, Heero replied in a strained voice,

"Yes, yes. I'm, I'm…fine."

"Are you sure?" Trowa raised his eyebrow skeptically, "Should I come in?"

"NO!" came Heero's hasty reply, "I'm fine, really just go back down-AHHH!"

Another crash resounded.

"That's it, Heero," Trowa called turning the doorknob, "I'm coming in."

Opening Heero's door, what Trowa saw was something no one would ever have expected. The room was a wreck! Papers and miscellaneous items were strewn all across the floor, and a lamp was shattered on the desk. The most surprising thing of all was Heero. He was holding a shoe in his hand while standing on top on his bed. Seeing Trowa he immediately straightened but did not come down from his bed. Trowa blankly looked at him,

"What are you doing?"

"Um, well," Heero dropped the shoe nervously and looked at the floor, "I was just-THERE IT IS!"

Trowa looked where he was pointing as Heero frantically picked the shoe back up. Catching a flash of white Trowa almost burst out laughing.

"A mouse? That's what you've been screaming about?"

"Maybe," Heero replied his eyes darting around the floor.

"It is isn't it?" Trowa grinned slightly.

Just then the mouse darted over Trowa's foot and his arm shot down to pick it up. Squirming in his grasp, the mouse let out a series of squeaks. Heero flinched as Trowa stepped closer.

"Stop it Trowa," Heero pleaded, "Throw it out the window or something."

"I will," Trowa's smirk grew even bigger, "Right after I tell the guys about this."

"Don't you dare!" Heero growled at Trowa.

"However," Trowa's eyes flashed dangerously, "If you do what I want this may never have happened."

"What?" Heero narrowed his eyes.

* * *

The next day, Trowa sat in the living room waiting for the exterminators to arrive. He looked up as he heard a heavy thumping coming down the stairs. He saw Heero throwing daggers with his eyes. He was wearing a hot pink shirt that had 'Barbie' across the front. Trowa smiled as he leaned back in his seat. Ahh, life was good.

* * *

SLF: There you have it. Hope you guys liked it. Sorry, I know Trowa was a bit OOC, but everyone has a dark side right? grins evilly Heero has to wear pink all week! snickers I'm a dork I know, but I happen to find that funny. Love ya lots, see you next chappie! 


	3. Dr Seuss on the Lose

SLF: Ah –cough-, well, I am alive believe it or not. This story has simply been on the backburner for about…two years. That's a really long time not to touch something and people really seemed to have liked it so I'm back again! I finally have some new ideas and a renewed interest in actually finishing this. I re-read it and my old attachment re-surfaced so woot! No more HIATUS! I'm hoping this will be finished in a couple of months (yeah, I know. I'm lazy and update in monthly intervals…). So read on faithful friends!

* * *

Having finished his book, Quatre set it on his small table and stretched. What with all the fighting and screaming he had needed a break. For the moment, however, he was starving and decided to venture into the perilous downstairs, dreading what might await him. Coming down the staircase his fears were quelled. Everything was calm for the most part except-

"Heero?" Quatre looked on in shock, "Is that a…Barbie shirt you're wearing?"

Heero turned around on the couch with his hot pink attire and shot Quatre a death glare none could match, "Well then," Quatre coughed, "I suppose we all have our enjoymen-"

"If you continue that sentence I will have to forcibly remove your vocal cords," Heero interrupted venomously.

"Right then," Quatre swallowed, "Moving on."

Drawing nearer to the Kitchen he heard the remnants of an argument,

"Why do we have to kill the mice?" Duo was grumbling, "What did they ever do to you?"

Trowa sighed,

"The mice are pests and the exterminator is already on his way."

"So you called the exterminator then?" Quatre asked entering the conversation.

"Yes," Trowa's gaze shifted to Quatre, "He should be here soon."

"Good," Quatre smiled.

"It's not good!" erupted Duo, "He'll kill them!"

Quatre sighed,

"If it really means that much to you Duo, then we can tell the exterminator to simply catch them and you may keep one as a pet."

"Really?" Duo's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates.

"I'm not sure if that's a very good idea," Trowa glanced firmly at Quatre.

"Why not?"

"It just isn't."

"Well I want one," Duo crossed his arms much like a pouting three year old.

"What if we have them all set lose out in the garden?" Trowa suggested.

Quatre cringed inwardly at the thought of multiplying mice eating all of his petunias but consented anyway,

"Is that a suitable alternative?"

"Yes," Duo skipped out of the kitchen.

"I'm glad we finally worked that out," Quatre exhaled.

As Trowa was about to agree Duo walked back into the kitchen and silently grabbed a plate of cookies before skipping back out.

Blinking, Trowa glanced at Quatre,

"Let me know when the exterminator arrives."

Quatre nodded as he left the room. Returning to his originally purpose, Quatre walked over and opened the refrigerator. Sifting through the meat draw, he pulled out some leftover ham and mayonnaise. Busily constructing his sandwich, he didn't notice Wufei's arrival until the fridge door slammed causing him to spread mayo on the counter. Spinning around, he noticed Wufei's still dismal mood.

"Damn Maxwell," he grumbled slumping into a table chair with an apple.

"Why are you mad at Duo this time?" Quatre inquired cleaning up his mess.

"Who else would braid my hair?!" Wufei shouted angrily.

"Why don't you just take it out?" Quatre sat down at the table with his sandwich.

Wufei was about to shout, but instead simply shook his head and turned bright red.

The two sat in a tense silence while finishing their food.

After finishing his midday meal, Quatre slowly headed back up the stairs, avoiding Heero's glare. There was something odd going on he just knew it. He shrugged the thoughts out of his mind, best to leave them to their own devices. Things were much less stressful for him when he chose that route. Although, Duo had been awfully quiet as of late and that was never good. As Quatre passed his silent room he couldn't help but feel as though the braided boy was up to something. Fighting his better instincts, he knocked on Duo's door,

"Hello, Duo? Are you in there?"

He received no reply but heard frantic noises from inside. It was an odd sound, as though someone was moving things around on the floor. After a moment, the noises stopped and Duo's head popped out of the door,

"Yes, what do you want?"

"What were you doing in there just now?" Quatre had a sneaking suspicion.

"Nothing at all," Duo mumbled, "Just some…stuff."

Quatre raised an eyebrow,

"Stuff, hm? What kind of stuff?"

"Well, I…um," Duo paused for a moment before smiling as innocently as he could muster, "Duo stuff."

"Well now I know you can't be up to anything good," Quatre tapped his foot like an impatient mother, "Open the door, Duo."

"How about…" Duo paused, "Not." And tried to slam his door shut as quickly as possible but Quatre already had one foot in the way.

"Nice try. Now let's see what you were up to."

To his surprise, the room was clean. Everything was stacked neatly on a shelf, the floor was bare; this worried him. Duo's room was never clean.

"You see!" Duo pouted acting the role of an injured party, "You made false accusations. I'm wounded you think so ill of me, Quatre. You should be ashamed!"

Quatre rolled his eyes; same old Duo. He simply ignored Duo's protests as he proceeded to check around the room. After a few minutes he began to think that perhaps he was wrong, and then he saw it. A brightly colored corner of something sticking out from under one of Duo's sheets. He made a grab for it and Duo's countenance immediately changed as he tried to snatch it away.

Quatre, however, was too quick for him. He was astonished that what he held was a book; a brightly colored hardback book. Still holding it just out of Duo's grasp he read the cover:

" 'The Cat in the Hat' by Dr. Seuss. Duo, what is this?"

A deep maroon shade, Duo finally managed to snag the book out of Quatre's hands,

"Nothing, it's just a, a.."

"A children's book?" Quatre couldn't suppress a smile. He turned back to the bed and lifted the sheets before Duo could stop him. Quatre found, to his amazement, a HUGE collection of brightly colored hardback books all written by this Dr. Seuss person, "How many do you have?"

"Thirty-one," Duo blushed quietly, "Please don't tell anyone! Wufei would have one over me for the rest of my life!"

"I won't," Quatre smiled kindly; before thinking of a better idea, "But you have to do something for me."

"What?" Duo was a little surprised; would Quatre really blackmail him?

"No mice in the house or garden. You let the exterminator do his job."

Duo gaped at him. Before he angrily retorted that he was being blackmailed with murder, Quatre silenced him,

"Wufei will be first to know."

"Okay," Duo grumbled, "Now leave me with my Seuss!"

"I'm glad we understand each other," Quatre smiled closing the door behind him.

With teary eyes at the thought of the poor dead mice, Duo hugged his Seuss books to his chest,

"Quatre's sneaky."

* * *

SLF: Alrightly, all done with that chapter finally! -hugs readers- I hope you liked that! It was hard finding Duo's secret and getting Quatre to blackmail someone in a Quatre-like way. Next is Trowa's dirty little secret, so you guys can look forward (or dread I suppose) to that soon! Love you guys! Review!


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